Let's go back to the start
by Ben Myatt
Summary: Songfic to Coldplay's


Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, or any monkeys, Armadillos or beetles belonging to Gundam Wing. 

I also don't own the Coldplay song, "The scientist." But I love it. If you've heard it, you'll understand my reasons for using it.

(A/N) this is my first ever Gundam Wing fic, so I'm not entirely sure of all the different fan-terminology. I also haven't seen the end of the actual SERIES yet! I'm watching it on CNX. 

*********************

_Let's go back to the start._

_-By Ben Myatt. _

*********************

"I wasn't going to wait forever, Heero." 

He gazed at her silently, because he had nothing left to say. He, Heero Yuy, had always fought for what he believed in, and he had thought that he could never fail so long as he fought. 

But he had.

Relena Peacecraft gently flicked a stray strand of hair from in front of her eye, and looked at him sternly.

"What, did you think I wouldn't get over you? Did you think that I wouldn't move on?"

Heero didn't know what to say. The words had been formed in his head, but now…

She was beautiful. She truly didn't know how Beautiful she was, not just her face, but also her soul. He had wanted to tell her so much. 

And now, as they stood in her expansive office, it was too late.

****

Come up to meet you, 

_Tell you I'm sorry,_

_You don't know how lovely you are._

****

"Well, haven't you got anything to say?" she snapped.

She didn't want this conversation any more than he did. But she knew that there were things that needed to be said.

"I… I'm Sorry, Relena. I didn't know. I've had stuff on my plate for a while. I hadn't heard."

She lowered her eyes. 

"Heero… I can't do this. Not anymore. I have a new life now, with a new person."

"So I see."

His voice was devoid of emotion. She looked up, and it seemed as if a spark in his eyes had died. That rebellious spark that had set him apart from everyone else she knew. 

He looked past her, at the picture on her desk. The man with his arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders. A half-smile creased his jaw, unreflected in his hazel eyes.

"I… had things I wanted to say…"

****

_I had to find you,_

_Tell you I need you_

_Tell you I set you apart._

****

"…He's a very lucky man, Relena. He deserves you more…"

He stopped, cutting himself off. 

"More than what?"

"…More than I ever did."

He turned, and placed his hand on the office door. He didn't turn his brown-mopped head as he spoke.

"Goodbye, Relena Peacecraft. You wont hear from me again."

"Heero…"

But he was gone, the door clicking softly shut behind him as he left.

****

_Tell me your secrets,_

_And ask me your questions,_

_Oh lets go back to the start._

****

It was raining when Heero got outside. The downpour flattened his hair neatly against his scalp. He pulled up his raincoats collar against the howling rain, and set off down the street. 

He sighed.

It figured. Why couldn't he have brought himself to tell Relena how he felt, face-to-face, when he had the chance?

He would give anything to…

"No."

A man passing him give him a strange look, and then walked on. Heero tried to hide his own embarrassment at having spoken out loud.

But he knew that he couldn't go down that line of thought. That way led to madness, and his mind was one of the few things that he had left now.

****

_Runnin' in circles,_

_Comin' up tails,_

_Heads on the science apart._

****

He sighed once more, and spotting a coffee stand, headed over. The man standing there looked up at him, and smiled.

"What're you having?"

"Coffee. Black."

I had taken him so long to find the words he had wanted to say, that when he had said them, it was far to late. 

For one of the first times in his life, Heero Yuy was disgusted by himself. He felt a hatred of himself that he had never felt of any of OZ's soldiers.

How could he have been so stupid? How could he have let the only woman he cared about slip in between his fingers like sand?

_****_

_Nobody said it was easy,_

_It's such a shame for us to part._

_****_

He took the hot paper cup from the man, and walked over to a park bench, on the edge of the lake overlooked by Relena's office.

He felt so vulnerable. More vulnerable than he had ever felt in the dead expanses of space, or when fighting OZ forces on the meadows and arctic tundra's of earth. 

He felt empty, gutted by the exchange that had taken place in the building that overshadowed him.

****

_Nobody said it was easy,_

_No one ever said it would be this hard._

_****_

He looked up at the window, taking a sip from the coffee cup in his hand. he finally allowed himself to sink into his own thoughts.

'Maybe if I had… treated her better, even that fist time we met. If I hadn't been so hostile. If I hadn't been so obsessed with being the soldier. Maybe today would have been different. 

He took another sip.

'I guess I'll never know.'

****

_Oh, I'll take it back to the start._

_****_

"Heero?" 

He looked up, startled by the sound of his own name. A woman stood there, a beautiful woman, a braid holding her hair up around her scalp. 

Relena Peacecraft still had the power to take his breath away, even when she had rejected him.

"We need to talk, Heero. I know I didn't… handle myself well back there."

He couldn't tell what she was feeling , all windows into her thoughts masked by his own love for her.

****

_I was just guessing,_

_The numbers and figures,_

_Pulling the puzzles apart._

****

He shook his head.

"I think all that needs to be said has been said."

"How can you do that Heero?" she snapped. "How can you be so goddamned clinical all the time?"

"Sometimes its what I have to be. Someone has to keep their feet on the ground around this place, right?"

She didn't reply, but instead moved over and sat on the other end of the bench, opposite him. He didn't look at her, but instead stared over the lake, the water disturbed by the ripples of the rain that splashed against its surface like bullets.

He knew that he should leave. He knew that he should stand up, be strong, and walk away.

"Say what you have to say, Relena. Ask your questions. Just don't take too long."

What was a little time after all?

****

_Questions of science,_

_Science and progress,_

_Do not speak as loud as my heart._

****

"First… Heero… I'm happy. I've got a good life now. I wasn't ready for you to turn up today. I don't suppose I'd have ever been ready. 

Me and Quatre… we have a good thing together. We have had for a while now. We… we like each other, a lot."

Heero was silent. He didn't need to say anything, and to speak now might mean stopping her for good.

"We… didn't know how it happened. I was waiting for you, Heero. But when he came along, something snapped in my head. I realised I couldn't wait forever, no matter…"

She stopped, and he looked at her quizzically. The he realized what she might have said. He wanted her to say it, but not this way, not under these conditions. He stood, and moved over, kneeling in front of her, the wet ground soaking the legs of his jeans. 

"Go on, Relena. I wont say anything to interrupt you. Just say what you have to say."

****

_Tell me you love me,_

_Come back and hold me,_

_Oh, when I rush to the start._

****

Her eyes snapped up to gaze at his face. All she saw was honesty. For the first time, Heero was allowing her to see past the façade that he had always kept up, and gaze into his soul. And she saw peace and torment living in the same space, co-habiting in the ultimate paradox.

"Heero… I loved… I still love you. But I can't be with you, cant you see that? It wouldn't be right, not when me and Quatre are together."

And to her surprise, he smiled. gently, not his usual cunning, dangerous half-grin.

"I Know that, Relena. We've been down this road already, remember? I would never dream of doing anything that would hurt you, or Quatre."

She bowed her head, gazing at her own lap.

"I'm going to leave now, Relena. Don't follow again. You've got to do what your heart tells you. That's how life works. I don't want your pity, but I do want you to be happy."

He stood, and walked away.

****

_Runnin' in circles,_

_Chasin' tails,_

_Comin' back as we are._

****

His shoes squelched in the mud as he walked away from her.

On the park bench, Relena was still staring, unseen, into her lap. Her vision was misting slightly, though whether it was tears or just the rain in her eyes, she didn't know. 

She finally looked up, and she was alone.

****

_Nobody said it was easy,_

_Oh, it's such a shame for us to part._

_Nobody said it was easy,_

_No one ever said it would be so hard…_

****

She stood, and looked down at the footprints. They led away across the park. She looked away at the path they followed, then turned to look up at the building a little way away, where she worked, and where she and Quatre had first decided to be together.

And she stood, torn between the two paths. Then she turned, and followed the footprints across the wet ground.

****

_I'm goin' back to the start._

****

The end.

=============================================================

(A/N)

Ben: okay, it's my first ever Gundam fic, so be nice okay?

Heero: it was… weird. 

Ben: Thankyou.

Quatre: How comes I end up with the short end of the stick here? What have I ever done to hurt you?

Relena: it's nothing you've done. It's very simply that Ben has extremely dangerous background of writing Daikari Digimon fics, so he has a natural thing against blonde guys in anime.

Ben: Damn straight. R+R please! 


End file.
